Schizophrenia
by Zachary Finnius O'Leary
Summary: I had no internet for 2 days...this is a weird one...No lemon. Warning character death kind of, angst


Mello made the same ride he made day in and day out. His eyes sheltered behind the visor of his helmet, keeping him safe from prying eyes. Shakily he dismounted his precious motorcycle and headed to the stairs. As he made the first couple steps up to the apartment he noticed the family in the apartment below enjoying a movie together. The sight made his acid in his stomach boil and churn. He looked back up the stairs and continued the short journey, his rosary entwined in his fingers, pulling down on the back of his neck.

Blonde locks covered his eyes as he bowed his head to drag his keys from his pants. Before the cold metal could enter the lock the door was tugged open. Mello looked up in shock.

"Mels?" Matt's voice was like a sword through his upset stomach.

Matt stepped aside, he knew this routine. Mello dropped his helmet on the floor and staggered into the kitchen. One tired gloved hand covered the scar on his face as he propped himself against the counter. The other hand still held his precious symbol.

/A silver plate of numbing gum

And Jesus resting on my thumb

A hard to reach Malaria, Oh

I've got the mood seems to scare ya./

Green eyes watched the haunted man. Matt knew it had happened again; whenever he came home like this, he knew. The life was gone from his eyes the blue all but grey. Worried feet carried the redhead to the bathroom to get the pills he would have to force down Mello's throat. He hated making him do this, but there was no choice.

/And I'm paranoid, self-destroy

Believe me lord I'm sorry

I've the mood that seems to bury ya, Oh/

Mello stood hopelessly in the kitchen; the hand on his face began to grip the scarred flesh, nails digging deep. His concerned lover returned with a white oblong pill in his gloved hand.

"Mello, please just take your pill. It will stop I promise." He whispered in a soft and soothing voice.

Dead eyes looked at the caring ones through the fingers and hair, "No."

Matt frowned, "Mels."

Mello glared and shoved him back, pulling the rosary off of his own neck, beads spreading across the floor.

/I've got the nightmare called schizophrenia

I cry I cry and I don't know why

The fever becomes my home

I cry I cry and I don't know why

The fever becomes my home

Becomes my home

Becomes my/

Panic shot through Mello's face, he dropped to his knees and just started screaming. It needed to stop, but it never would. Matt set the pill on the counter and crouched next to him.

"Mels, talk to me please. What happened this time?" That soft voice pierced the trembling man's body.

"I had to do it Matty. I have to do it or they would get me." Mello pressed his forehead against the floor.

Matt started to rub his back, "What did you do?"

"They are dead Matty. All of them. The fire, the noise it was so…beautiful and soothing. The screams, like angels Matty….beautiful angels sent by God. The betrayed me Matty they were going to kill me…but I killed them first."

Matt pulled the rambling man into his arms and rocked him back and forth, "I know."

/And I love it when you're holding me

You have a gentle way of calming

I haven't felt that way since 1993 when my mother held me

I bet your waiting for the long sob story of how I was mistreated again, No

Cause no I wasn't built that way

I was strong a desperately brave

And I didn't mean to scare ya/

For several years now, since the first time he called Matt to rescue him from the rubble of the explosion he had known something was wrong. He was paranoid and struggling to grip reality. Matt had begged him to see a doctor once the paranoia became more than he could talk down.

/ Schizophrenia/

Mello always fought the pills he said if he took them it meant he wasn't man enough to handle life. This poor tormented blonde was gone in a world of fear and disappointment. Really Matt saw it when Mello was almost 15…when L died. Mello wanted so badly to beat Near and to see his efforts hit a dead end for nothing drove him to insanity. The years of painstaking studying, training, and sleepless nights were too much on the boy. Once he realized it was for nothing he broke.

Some days were worse than others. Some days he became a different person completely, childish, living out the childhood he threw away. Other days he was good ol' Mello. Most days he just broke down and did this. He wasn't even in the Mafia anymore, but day in and day out he would go to the building where Matt had found him and spend the whole day there.

Mello would come home and tell of how close to catching Kira he was and what Ron had said or done. Kira died 3 years ago, but Matt would never tell him that. If he did then Mello would dive deeper into the insanity and try to kill himself because Near got there first.

"Mels, here take your pill so we can go watch T.V and relax ok?" Matt smiled.

"No"

/Becomes my

Becomes my/

The redhead sighed. He was on his ropes, since income had stopped from the Mafia he had to work two jobs just to pay for the bills and keep Mello medicated. Nothing could make him stop, he loved the blonde, but it made nights like these drag on forever.

"I'm gonna get you your chocolate ok?" Matt rubbed his back as he stood.

"Thanks." Mello began crying again, his head against the floor cabinets.

Matt despised tricking Mello to take the pills, but he didn't have a choice on days like these. He opened the fridge and pulled out some chocolate cubes that hid the medication Mello needed. Matt had melted the chocolate and set the pills in them as they set in the cubes. It was the only way.

/I cry I cry and I don't know why

I cry I cry and I don't know why

It becomes my home

It becomes my home

It becomes my home/

He handed a cube of medicated chocolate and two without to the sobbing blonde, "Here babe."

"Matty?"

"Hn?"

"I am going to quit the Mafia and live a normal life." The blonde smiled.

"You are?" Matt was slightly taken aback.

"Yes, this live isn't any fun anymore. I can't kill any more people if I want to die in peace." Mello's smile was warm.

"Well good. That sounds like a good plan. Eat your chocolate and we will eat dinner and go watch a movie ok?" Matt smiled and helped the blonde up.

"Okay, I want to take a shower first."

"Sure, I'll start dinner."

Mello walked slowly to their bedroom and popped one of the cubes into his mouth. Matt let out a sigh, maybe he was getting better after all. As he began cooking he heard the water start in the bathroom and he hummed quietly to himself.

Matt stuck a cigarette into his mouth and began plating the meal he had prepared. Mello had been in the shower for an awfully long time. He set the plates down and sauntered over to the bathroom door.

"Mels dinner is ready." He knocked

The sound of water was all he heard. Slowly he opened the door and the cigarette fell from his mouth.

"Mello!" The redhead gasped.

Laying in a bloody pool was his beloved. He rushed to his side and scooped him into his arms. There was no pulse from the blonde. Matt's breath was lost and he just hugged the body tight. Blood had stopped oozing from the long cuts up Mello's wrists.

"Why Mello?" Matt sobbed.

Suddenly Matt sat up and looked around. Was it all a dream? Where was he?

"He is doing better, sleeping more." The voice came from the other side of a large windowless door.

The redhead tried to stand, but his arm was strapped to the metal bars on the sides of the bed he was in. He looked around, what was this place? A hospital?

"You can go in and see him, but be brief, he has been delusional lately." The woman said.

Slowly the door swung open and Mello peeked around it, "Hey Matty, your awake."

"Mello take me home! I-I don't know where I am." Matt panicked.

"Matty, you never remember when you wake up…calm down…you needed a lot of help. You starting seeing things and hearing things and you thought I had killed myself. These doctors are going to help you okay?" The blonde brushed some of the red hair from his love's face.

"But I- Mello you really did die…I-I held you…you were…"

"I know, but it is all a bad dream I am still here, see?" Mello smiled.

"But…"

Mello bent over and gave him a gentle kiss, "I love you Mattykins…get some rest ok?"

/The fever

Becomes my home

Becomes my

My home

My home

My home/

Song: Schizophrenia by Blue October


End file.
